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Fair Dinkum
NED
But being a bushranger wasn't all fun,
The tin can got hot if he stayed in the sun.
Ned would steam up like a sauna inside,
Cracked eggs on his head quite easily fried!
Then there were times that were too bad to bear,
When bees would get stuck in his bushy old hair.
They'd fly in his mouth and right up his nose,
Buzz in his ears 'til he curled up his toes.
Now oily Ned was too slippery to catch,
The local troopers had met their match.
He would lead them through the bush and scrub
Leaving greasy marks on every shrub.
When they tried to trap him in their snare,
Ned slid off his horse, boots in the air.
He hit the ground with a deafening "splat",
And squashed three troopers completely flat!
Of course you might think that things were bad,
But the locals loved this country lad.
They'd help him hide out away from the law,
Even rubbed his feet when they were sore.
'Cause walking was hard in his metal sweat box,
He couldn't bend over to change his socks.
So his toes were stuck in gigantic holes,
And both of his boots had flapping soles.
She tied up his undies with horsehair rope,
Then lathered him up with lavender soap.
She picked off the nits, earwigs and bugs,
Found a thick stick to prise off the slugs.
Using a spoon she scooped wax from his ears,
Cut all his toenails with rusty sheep shears.
Then under the shower she rinsed him off.
Ned screwed up his nose. He smelt like a toff! | 
